Making decisions with a Wise Mind
Making decisions with a synthesis of the rational and emotional mind
I learned something recently1.
In dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), a “wise mind” is the synthesis of the reasonable (rational) and emotional mind. Decision-making based on a wise mind, DBT suggests, is the “right” way to make decisions, at least regarding clinical outcomes of patients.
Extrapolating clinical psychology further into everyday life isn’t such a stretch.
We make decisions every day. And sometimes we make life-altering, one-way door decisions. Getting married. Taking out a huge loan to purchase a home. Changing careers. Investing in a risky asset. Moving to another country.
Some professions and positions require a much larger frequency of making one-way door decisions. Being an investor, executive, an entrepreneur. Being a doctor, lawyer, or serving in the military. Being a judge, a lawmaker. Being in a position where your decision will impact tens or hundreds of lives in irreversible ways, and will sometimes result in life or death.
I was born a pretty emotional person. When I was a teenager, I used to make decisions mostly on whether it felt good to make the decision or not. Whether the decision will result in conflict or peace. I made decisions based on my emotional mind.
My 20s were radically different. Training as a scientist and mathematician made me a much more rigorous thinker2. More cynical, more careful, more numbers-driven. I started to make decisions solely based on my rational mind.
I started my first business when I was 22. I cultivated the entrepreneurial persona through trial and error. My personality shifted from an INFJ into an ENTJ, at least at work. I started dealing with money and people in a more rational and ruthless way. I had to. Making poor money and people decisions meant failure in business3.
The “wise mind” way of making decisions really speaks to me, especially as I plan out how I want to live in my 30s. I’m currently in the process of pivoting out of a hyper-rational way of thinking and decision-making. “Every dollar I spend is a dollar I cannot invest in high-growth assets, like tech stocks and crypto”. I still cringe as I spend money on things like musical instruments that I used to not blink an eye about. I rationalize away expensive purchase as it being “productive & accretive for my entrepreneurial activities”. I forgot how to spend money and time purely for happiness. The “wise mind” method dictates that I find a balance between spending money for productivity and spending money for play. I’m trying to be more OK with spending more time and money on things that are purely fun for myself but are not productive.
In short, balance. I want to be a more balanced person in my 30s. In my teens I was a rock band front-man and artist. In my 20s I was a sharp-elbowed entrepreneur. In my 30s, I want to be creative but disciplined. Brutally honest but kind. Ambitious but content. I want to be wise.
Thanks to my lovely girlfriend, Will.
I am so incredibly lucky to have been intellectually influenced my some of the best mathematicians and scientists at Harvard and MIT. I did not realize it then, but that was a hugely transformational time in my life.
And I did fail, twice. Failing made me more determined than ever to not fail in the future.